SHUTTLE-JACKED

Jesus was in a heated debate with the manager of the local car wash. The manager insisted that Jesus' space shuttle was too big for the nine foot clearance, but Jesus was sure that, with skill, he could make it fit. First, Jesus demanded to see the blue prints, then the manager's wife's boobs, then the restroom.

After a forty-five minute jerk session, Jesus came out to find his space shuttle stripped of all its parts. They'd even taken the fuzzy dice from his rear view mirror! Jesus saw some kids carrying away a rocket booster, but they insisted that it wasn't his.

Jesus had promised to fly a mission for Russian Space Command later that afternoon, and the Kremlin expected him to have his own, clean shuttle suitable for space exploration and pictures and stuff. Where was Jesus going to find another one at this time of the morning?

Jesus sat down on the curb and pondered his options. "There's no way around it," he told his pet lemur, "we're gonna have to steal one from NASA." But the lemur would have none of it, so it went to take a nap on a bench outside the car wash.

Jesus flew off into space to find NASA's newest space shuttle, the "Melissa Joan Hart." There were three astronauts on board, their names aren't important. Jesus pulled them all out at gunpoint and shuttle-jacked them. Then he piloted it over to the International Space Station and spray painted International Nerd Station on it.

Jesus then headed to Moscow. He accidentally knocked over one of the towers  of St. Basil's cathedral when he landed. Anyway, the Russians hooked some space-nukes onto Jesus' shuttle, and that's how the Russians brought America to her knees.