REMEMBER THE ALAMO? WELL, THIS HAPPENED BEFORE THAT

Jesus was three weeks into an expedition from Boston to Louisiana Territory, wherein he robbed settler and traders and blamed it on local Indian tribes. The settlers and traders kept coming, but the Indians caught on quickly, so Jesus had to keep moving.

Jesus went to Texas, where he ran into William Travis, who was also busy robbing settler and traders and blaming Mexicans. "Bill Travis, you son of a bitch," Jesus laughed, "how the hell are you?"

But Travis was less pleased to see Jesus. "Unless you have the horse, boots, wife and kids you stole from me, I don't want to talk to you." Bill warned. It just so happened, that Jesus stole those very same things from another guy yesterday. A much richer guy. Bill agreed to accept these and renew their friendship and partnership.

Bill was on his way to Mexico to call Santa Anna  a girl, but he needed some supplies for the trip. So they headed to Austin or someplace near where Austin would eventually be founded. Once there, Bill went to the general store, and Jesus headed for the saloon. They tied up Bill's new wife and kids outside with the horses.

Bill bought his supplies and headed over to the saloon to meet Jesus. While crossing the street, Bill noticed how quiet and calm it was. Not a person or horse in sight (except Bills). It was a set up, and Bill knew it. Bill reached for his gun, but a warning show at his feet convinced him otherwise. He dived into an alley just in time to avoid the second shot taking his head off.

Bill crawled under the porch of the store and pulled his gun out. He saw three pair of feet, one in sandals, one in boots and in rhinestone covered boots. "Where's your partner?" asked a familiar, British voice. It was Jesus and Travis' old enemies, Davy Crockett and David Bowie, and they had Jesus tied and gagged.

Jesus told them repeatedly that Bill was at the store, but they didn't find him there, so they beat Jesus real bad. Luckily for Bill, he sneaked off, while Jesus was getting beat,with his horse, family and supplies and got to Mexico to call Santa Anna a girl. Jesus swore revenge, but since Bill was already in Mexico, Jesus called it a wash.