Jesus was at the doctor's office pretending to be a male nurse. He paid special attention to the female patients. He would ask them to disrobe, and when they asked for privacy, he would say, "It's okay, I'm a nurse."
Jesus was looking for a particularly ugly birthmark, like the one on Mikhail Gorbachev's head, but on a boob... Gorboobchev, i guess. The girl who bore the boobmark was wanted by Satan for questioning regarding her involvement in the Lance Armstrong doping scandal. Satan wanted to congratulate her on a successful frame-up, and invite her to join his softball team! He talked Jesus in to joining the search by offering him free tickets to the movies and a spot in the out-field on his softball team if he found her.
It took all day, but she finally came in for a free boob exam. Jesus explained the whole situation while the doctor went to town on her titties. She was in.
The first game was against the Oakfield High School girls team. It was a Saturday in September, and the weather was hot. Jesus was the last to show up. Satan's team was first up at bat. Jesus watched the Oakfield pitcher warming up. she was the fastest underhanded pitcher in Hell, but that Gorboobchev chick had already proven her experience in ball-handling, so Jesus and Satan were pretty sure this would be easy. And it was, by the time the young girls got back on the bus to Oakfield, they were bruised and battered, and their spirits crushed. Plus, two or three of them had been traumatized by Jesus in the locker room.
Satan's team went on to become state champions. Satan threw a big pizza party to celebrate, but he went cheap, so everyone only got one slice.
Showing posts with label titties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label titties. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
A BOY AND HIS BRAIN
Jesus was at his local cable access studio, pitching a show about titties. "All we need are close-up shots of boobs bouncing and son on," Jesus explained. His idea was flawless, but the producer or whoever told him that it would never work, and sent him away. The producer then started making the show and taking all the credit for himself.
But Jesus was no fool, he busted out his private-eye robe and followed this producer, Willy I'll call him, around. Jesus developed a particular admiration for how well Willy got results. Willy would approach women calmly and talk to them until they showed their boobs. Whereas Jesus just crept into their rooms while they were sleeping and carefully snipped their P.J.s off with scissors.
Jesus started to wonder why Willy was so much smoother with the ladies. The only thing to do was dissect Willy's brain. Jesus followed Willy home, crept into his room while he was sleeping and carefully snipped off his P.J.s with scissors. Then, Jesus dissected his brain. Willy's brain was full of red stuff, and pink stuff, and blue lines and wrinkles, but contained nothing about women. "What he butt?!" Jesus pondered. Then Jesus decided to dissect his own brain and compare the two.
An hour later, he had his and Willy's brains spread out side by side on Willy's kitchen table. There were several key differences: Jesus' brain was far hairier and danced about more. Then, as Willy's family watched in horror, Jesus' brain raped Willy's brain in its brain-ass. Through this unholy probing, Jesus obtained all of Willy's women-talking-to powers.
Jesus went on to produce the show about titties and several spin-offs. His career is an example to us all.
But Jesus was no fool, he busted out his private-eye robe and followed this producer, Willy I'll call him, around. Jesus developed a particular admiration for how well Willy got results. Willy would approach women calmly and talk to them until they showed their boobs. Whereas Jesus just crept into their rooms while they were sleeping and carefully snipped their P.J.s off with scissors.
Jesus started to wonder why Willy was so much smoother with the ladies. The only thing to do was dissect Willy's brain. Jesus followed Willy home, crept into his room while he was sleeping and carefully snipped off his P.J.s with scissors. Then, Jesus dissected his brain. Willy's brain was full of red stuff, and pink stuff, and blue lines and wrinkles, but contained nothing about women. "What he butt?!" Jesus pondered. Then Jesus decided to dissect his own brain and compare the two.
An hour later, he had his and Willy's brains spread out side by side on Willy's kitchen table. There were several key differences: Jesus' brain was far hairier and danced about more. Then, as Willy's family watched in horror, Jesus' brain raped Willy's brain in its brain-ass. Through this unholy probing, Jesus obtained all of Willy's women-talking-to powers.
Jesus went on to produce the show about titties and several spin-offs. His career is an example to us all.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
PUPPIES-WITH-TITTIES
Jesus was being guided through Satan's new castle in Hell by Satan himself. There was a movie room that only showed Joaquin Phoenix movies, there was an indoor swimming pool filled with dead fish and vomit and every toilet in the house had a spiked tongue for wiping your ass. Jesus was a little upset, because Satan had ripped off almost every feature from Jesus' castle in Scottsdale. If there was an STD room, then Jesus would really be mad.
Instead, Satan had a room that literally left Jesus speechless... Satan had a puppies-with-titties room filled with puppies with great big hooters. Jesus was so jealous, he ran in and dove head first into a pile of cuddly pets. Satan saw just how jealous Jesus was and decided to rub it in a little. He told Jesus that every puppy was the offspring of Anna Nicole Smith.
"Oh man," Jesus said, "you can't even get that in Scottsdale!"
Satan then turned to kick a puppy that was nuzzling his leg, and Jesus seized the opportunity to sneak two puppies under his robe. He then made up an overly elaborate story about why he needed to leave. Satan was immediately suspicious because Jesus had not yet seen the whoretory; why would he by racing out now? Satan had a tiny demon baby follow Jesus to get some Intel.
Jesus saw the demon baby with the third eye in the back of his head, and was able to give him the slip. But as Jesus walked through the gates of Hell, the alarm went off. I turned out the puppies had security tags. "Shit!" Jesus yelled as he pulled his gun and shot his way through the underpaid Hell security guards.
Jesus took a bullet in the right shoulder, and one in the right ankle. Then he ran out of bullets and had to take out his nun-chucks. Eventually the guards brought him down. They searched him, but only found one of the puppies. They tossed Jesus in the dumpster out back. Jesus waited a few minutes, then limped home happy, dog boob in-hand.
Instead, Satan had a room that literally left Jesus speechless... Satan had a puppies-with-titties room filled with puppies with great big hooters. Jesus was so jealous, he ran in and dove head first into a pile of cuddly pets. Satan saw just how jealous Jesus was and decided to rub it in a little. He told Jesus that every puppy was the offspring of Anna Nicole Smith.
"Oh man," Jesus said, "you can't even get that in Scottsdale!"
Satan then turned to kick a puppy that was nuzzling his leg, and Jesus seized the opportunity to sneak two puppies under his robe. He then made up an overly elaborate story about why he needed to leave. Satan was immediately suspicious because Jesus had not yet seen the whoretory; why would he by racing out now? Satan had a tiny demon baby follow Jesus to get some Intel.
Jesus saw the demon baby with the third eye in the back of his head, and was able to give him the slip. But as Jesus walked through the gates of Hell, the alarm went off. I turned out the puppies had security tags. "Shit!" Jesus yelled as he pulled his gun and shot his way through the underpaid Hell security guards.
Jesus took a bullet in the right shoulder, and one in the right ankle. Then he ran out of bullets and had to take out his nun-chucks. Eventually the guards brought him down. They searched him, but only found one of the puppies. They tossed Jesus in the dumpster out back. Jesus waited a few minutes, then limped home happy, dog boob in-hand.
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