100TH JESUS: THE BEST LAID PLANS

Jesus had been up late and was trying to get some sleep, but the neighborhood kids kept ringing his doorbell and asking him if his refrigerator was running, and shit like that. In his horrifying, sleep deprived mind, Jesus concocted a subtle revenge: He would give his refrigerator robot legs, then, when the kids came back and asked their questions, the fridge would trample them to death. Then, Jesus would go to their funerals and console their grieving mothers with his sensual love making. Then he'd raise the kids from the dead and have his fridge trample them again, then more love making and so on.

Jesus and his fridge were crouching behind the couch when the doorbell rang again.  "Coming," Jesus called as he chuckled to himself.

Jesus opened the door, and the head kid said, "Pardon me, do you have Prince Albert in a can?"

The refrigerator didn't know what to do, the kid hadn't said the right question. The fridge just stood there, and Jesus panicked and started strangling the kid with his own socks. The other kids pulled out their squirt guns and unleashed a series of streams at Jesus as he dove back behind the couch.

"Did he melt yet?" asked George, the bravest boy.

"Dammit!" Jesus screamed. "I'm not the wicked witch! Why do you bullies keep saying that?" Jesus was then shocked to see the wicked witch sitting on the other end of the living room.  He jumped, so did she. He realized he was looking in a mirror, and that the costume shop owner he'd fucked over last month had gotten her revenge.