SUFFER NOT A WITCH TO LIVE

Jesus was riding the bus to Salem, Massachusetts from Boston for the big dominoes tournament.  This meant that the town was going to need a lot of extra cocaine, which Jesus demanded from every town he visited.  So the mayor of Salem called the local drug connection, who happened to be an evil witch.  The witch conjured up some high-grade cocaine; 10,000 lbs. of it for only two hundred dollars.  Nobody could compete with her.

Jesus came to watch his favorite player, Donny Dickrake, but walked in just in time to see Donny get eliminated from the competition.  “Damnit!” Jesus yelled, “I shouldn’t have stopped to do all that cocaine.”

So Jesus wandered the streets all freaked out, and bumped into his ex girlfriend… that witch from earlier with the cocaine and stuff.  They decided to have sex for old times’ sake, but as soon as she took her shirt off Jesus saw the hairy witchmole on her left nipple.  “Now I remember why I dumped you!” he said.

“You dumped me?” she said.  “I dumped you because you wouldn’t shave your beard!”

How to settle this dispute?  Jesus called his friends at the Vatican and it was time for an old fashioned witch burning.  The Pope, what’s his name, was out of town that weekend, but came back in time for the feast.

Jesus had severed her tongue for one last rich, smoky kiss.  Then he took a picture of the tongue up his butt, fed the tongue to the Pope and sent him the picture in the mail.