JESUS VS. HOLLYWOOD

Jesus had just gotten fired from his job as a stork delivering babies because he kept losing his cargo and replacing it with cheese.  And it’s not that the people didn’t appreciate the cheese, but when you’re expecting a delicious baby, delicious cheese is no comparison.

So anyway, he was filing for unemployment when he came up with a way to make millions ripping off popular movies using toys instead of actors, and actresses instead of furniture.  His movies caught on, and soon he was rich, rich as queers (those darn queers that lived up the street from him and always tried to hit on him in their Lexus).

 So now Jesus was set, but the Hollywood moguls were furious.  Producing movies was the only thing that got the moguls laid and Jesus was jeopardizing that, so they had to get revenge.  They snuck into Jesus’ apartment and booby-trapped his favorite chair, which he had had made special for him by super-gluing a fat chick to a chair.  So when Jesus came home after a hard day’s work of loitering around and sat in his chair, he discovered that his fat chick upholstery had been replaced with a skinny, hairy dude with a boner.

“YIPES!” Jesus yelled as he jumped out of his chair and ran for his shotgun.  He held the dude there at gun point, and they had a pleasant conversation about Jesus’ window treatment.  Then Jesus made him squeal on the fuckers that put him there.  Jesus turned him loose and ran at full speed towards Hollywood so he could get a hooker, and then maybe another hooker, and if there was time, he’d get revenge on the producers with a knife, or flaming dog poo, or maybe his team of high priced lawyers. 

After a few dozen hookers, Jesus set out to find those dudes he was looking for, but came across a fabulous shoe store.  He stayed there, shoe shopping, for so long that he died of hooker deprivation.  He woke up in Heaven and beat off, then went back to bed.