Wednesday, February 4, 2015

JESUS SCRATCHES AN ITCH

Jesus was building a house for himself to live in. It was going to have all sorts of secret passages, and two-way-mirrors and secret rooms to torture his victims in without bothering his neighbors. The only problem was the building inspector, Vanessa. She was a hot-blonde-type, and Jesus was going to have to kill her approved all his secret stuff.

They walked together from room to room as Jesus gave reasonable and plausible answers to all of Vanessa's tough questions like, "Is that your hand on my breast?" Finally, she gave Jesus the proper permits, and he was about to smash her head in with a glass paper weight shaped like Mt. Rushmore, when he suddenly realized that all he had to do to keep her from talking, was capture her and lock her in one of his dungeons and never let her out.

All he had to do was put a blindfold on her and spin her around real fast and throw her in a room and lock the door.  He casually asked if she'd like to play a game of pin the tail on the donkey. She seemed to consider it for a moment, but politely declined. But of course, she couldn't resist the piƱata.

So Jesus had Vanessa locked up in no time. Little did he know, that she was an undercover vice cop who had literally followed a trail of dead hookers right to Jesus' front door. As soon as she was in trouble, she said the code word, "Barracuda!" and the house was surrounded by cops. Jesus grabbed Vanessa and gagged her with a sock and headed into one of his secret passages. Once they were well hidden, Jesus put Vanessa down to scratch himself and she got the drop on him and took him in.

Down at the station, Jesus tickled the police captain and was beaten for a while. Then he was released when the Supreme Court made hooker-murder legal again. Justice prevails.

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