THE CLAW

Jesus was playing the claw machine at his local arcade, trying to win a stuffed John the Baptist doll dressed as a fireman (the John doll, not Jesus.)  Jesus positioned the claw directly above the doll and prepared to descend by spitting on his hands and rubbing them together and stealing and eight-year-old’s prize tickets.

 He pressed the button and the claw dropped and landed perfectly on the doll.  Its claws squeezed together with all the might of a pervert grabbing an ass at a crowded concert or sporting event, someplace he knows he can get away with it because it could have been anyone, or he could say it was an accident, like he tripped or something and luckily some chick’s ass was there for him to catch himself on.

The claw began to rise, and with it the fireman doll Jesus had been coveting all month (his neighbor, Ron, got one and had been parading it around in front of Jesus so as to make him feel inferior in his doll collection area.)  His heart and breath stopped, and a bead of sweat, or possibly something grosser dripped on the floor from his balls.

But then Jesus noticed something, there was a Marilyn Monroe dressed as a tax accountant doll clinging to the John doll’s leg.  Would the weight prove too much for the claw?

No. Jesus totally got both dolls.  Take that Ron!