Jesus was counting his loose change. He had $42, but he needed $260 to buy the new stereo that he wanted so that he could impress girls. "$42 plus the $100 that Dave Foley owes me... damn, I still need 120 bucks." He had already collected all the change in his apartment by magnetizing his wang and banging the couch cushions etc. So now he was forced to take to the streets.
He was hoping to find and fuck one of those Salvation Army buckets, but he and Santa had a sordid past. He found a Salvation Army bucket outside a supermarket. Luckily it was manned by an old lady instead of Santa. But as Jesus got closer he realized that he had banged this old lady like 40 years ago. "I'll need a disguise," he said to himself.
He turned to the man behind him, tore his face off and put it on over his own. He ran up on the old lady, pushed her to the floor and banged her dirty ol' bucket for what must of been nine or ten minutes (he was pretty wore out by then). He couldn't get off, but luckily he had all the change so he ran off to count it.
He was up to $180 dollars, but he still needed to collect from Foley. Foley was in Vancouver filming a low budget film about a funny werewolf costarring Laura Vandervoort as the sexy werewolf enthusiast. Jesus jumped on board a train, hobo style, and rode it for a week and ended up right back where he started somehow. He was cold, hungry and totally despondent. Then he remembered that his wang magnetizer had a hot-chick setting. Problem solved!
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