Wednesday, July 1, 2015

TERROR ON THE HIGH SEAS

Jesus was aboard Red-Beard's pirate ship, as a prisoner. He had been floating about at sea for days until Red-Beard's men fished him out with a net. They chained him up inside the ship somewhere and refused to share their rum with him.

But at night, Jesus would easily slip out of his chains and wander about the ship, pretending to be a ghost. Pirates are terribly superstitious, so when they started to think the ship was haunted by a white, middle-eastern ghost, the talks of mutiny began. Red-Beard tried to talk the stupid out of his men, but reason got him nowhere. So, he had to resort to forcing his whole crew to walk the plank.

This left only Jesus and Red-Beard aboard the ship, and Red-Beard still refused to share his rum with Jesus. So Jesus used his magic to turn the rum into Mt. Dew. Of course, Red-Beard had no idea what Mt. Dew was,(it hadn't been invented yet) he just knew it was horrible.  Pirates are terribly superstitious, so Red-Beard began to suspect that his dead crew was back for revenge.

Red-Beard was so emphatic in his fear, that he convinced Jesus the dead crew was after them both, despite the fact that Jesus knew for a fact that the crew was in Hell right now building Satan's Elk's Lodge. Pirates are terribly superstitious, so Red-Beard got out his Ouija Board, and the two of them held a seance.

They were able to contact the ghost of William Shakespeare, which was weird because he wasn't born yet. Anyway, Shakespeare pulled the ship through some kind of time warp, and that's how Jesus and Red-Beard came to run a pirate themed tourist attraction in Tampa Bay.

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