Jesus was sleeping hard after a long day of experimenting on farts, when a terrified scream startled him awake. He looked down into the alley from his window, and saw three dudes beating up a ninja. Jesus' better judgement told him that anybody who could beat up a ninja, even three against one, was best left un-trifled with. But Jesus also knew that if he saved the life of a ninja, the ninja would be in his debt forever, or for two weeks. Maybe it was corporate vice presidents that were in your debt forever, Jesus couldn't remember.
Anyway, Jesus dove through his bedroom window, and pounced on the biggest of the three dudes, tearing his lower mandible from his body. Jesus then threw the mandible boomerang-style into the heads of the other two, killing them instantly.
Jesus approached the ninja to collect his reward, but upon closer inspection, it turned out not to be a ninja at all, but a Muslim woman who was dressed as a ninja from some dumb reason. Jesus had to think quick to figure out how to turn this to his advantage. He thought to himself, 'What would Mohammad do?' Then he remembered that Mohammad hated woman, and Jesus. 'Fuck that guy,' Jesus concluded.
Then Jesus realized that he had just been staring at this beat up woman for a minute, and he probably looked pretty awkward. So he threw some Jesus dust in her eyes and ran off in search of real ninjas.
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