JESUS P.I.

Jesus had just opened his own detective agency, Jesus P. Christ P.I.  He’d seen all the movies, any minute now a gorgeous chick was gonna walk in, in need of his help, then he could molest her pets.  The way Jesus saw it, he didn’t even have to do any of the dirty work.  He could just trick the girl into going with him everywhere and doing everything herself while Jesus was always poised and ready to run off at any sign of trouble.

But so far, no such chick had come in.  Then, the bell above the door dinged and in walked a horrible crippled woman with a hideous smashed in face.  “Kill it!  Kill it!” shouted Jesus’ parrot.  Jesus jumped into action, but this was no ordinary old crippled lady, in fact she wasn’t crippled at all.  She was a secret agent sent from Beijing to smash on Jesus in retaliation for his involvement in the Blue Man Group.

She and Jesus engaged in hand to hand combat for a few minutes until Jesus finally threw this old woman over the balcony of his office.  Then she hit the ground with a sickening splat!

Then the bell dinged again and in walked a hot red head with big tits, a hot round ass and legs, nice ones.  “Oh Mr. Jesus,” she said, “I need your help.”

“Do go on,” Jesus heavily breathed the words at her as he slid across his desk.

“What are you doing with your lips there?” she asked with an unhealthy, perplexed look on her face.

“I can’t help it,” Jesus replied, “I quiver like a half-frozen baby when I’m nervous.”

“Oh, well here’s my problem:  someone’s trying to kill my dog!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  But you make it sound sexy.  I’ll take the case!”

So, they went back to her place, and Jesus started to disrobe, but then he saw that she was serious about her stupid dog.  “I’ll show you my evidence,” she said picking up a fresh dog dropping.  Jesus took it from her and squeezed it between his hands hoping to find some clues.  “Damn it!” she shouted.  “That was the last one.   Now I’ll have to wait for another one.  And go wash your hands, pervert.” 

Jesus apologized for ruining her last dog turd.  Then he turned and went to the bathroom to wash up and ended up making a huge mess.  Then, once he knew for sure she wasn’t going to blow him, he got up and left, molesting her dog to death on the way out.