WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO

Jesus was learning karate from Ralph Machio, when Jackie Chan and Lance Armstrong burst in and challenged them to a hotdog-eating contest.  Jesus roared with laughter and said, “I can fit more wieners in my mouth than you guys can fit in your vaginas!”

Jackie Chan beat Jesus and Machio down with a couple of hotdogs, and Lance Armstrong ran home crying because he suddenly came to the sad realization that nobody of consequence cared about competitive cycling.  Then, Jesus zapped Chan with his disintegrater ray.  Then, after brief consideration, he zapped Machio. 

Then, Jesus asked himself, “What do I want to do now?”  So he thought about it quietly for awhile, then he jumped up and snapped his fingers and became invisible and went to watch some hot chicks in the shower and stuff.  Then he became visible and yelled, “BOO!” and the girls ran screaming from the shower. 

Little did Jesus know that one of these women would be his future wife.  But he wouldn’t have cared if he’d known, because he’d been married many times and didn’t really think of marriage as sacred or hetero or even a good idea.

So anyway, Jesus started setting up bear traps and shit so that when the girls ran out of the shower, they’d be trapped.  He decided to move to Iran and sell these women to the CIA.  But their plane crashed on the way and all but Jesus and one fat chick died, so he married her.