HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DEITY?

Jesus had been missing for four days, and his dad was starting to worry. Usually Jesus left a note, or his exploits made the news, or cease and desist orders arrived in the mail, but not this time. After several gin and tonics, he finally got up the nerve to call the one guy who could help.

"Hello?"

"Satan?"

"God!?"

"Yes, it's God.... Hello?"

"Yes, I'm here, what... uh... what can I do for you?"

"I need your help. My baby boy's been missing since Tuesday."

Satan looked over his various monitors and saw that Jesus was in one of the devil's pleasure houses enjoying a three-way with Winston Churchill and Joan of Arc. "I haven't seen him," Satan told God.

"Well, we need to find him!"

Satan's mind was turning, trying to figure out how he could use this to his advantage. "Have you checked Earth?"

"I see all of Earth all the time. It's my curse."

"How about the other planets? I heard he has a huge record collection on Pluto."

"Well then that's where I'll go! Can you come with me? For company and moral support. It's a really long trip."

"Nah, I can't, I got diabetes."

"That's extremely unlikely."

"You're telling me! Who knew there was sugar in Pepsi? Maybe you could get Khloe Kardashian to go with you."

God agreed, and soon he and Khloe were off to Pluto, leaving Heaven and Purgatory unguarded. Satan slid down the fireman's pole in his office to the whore house below to talk to Jesus. He had to play it cool. "Hey Jesus, I'll bet you can't live on Venus for eight weeks."

"You're on!" Jesus shouted, then raced off to Venus.

Satan had it all, finally. It was all his. So he left George Takei in charge of Hell and took up the throne of Heaven and began his long, prosperous rule as Lord Satan II.