JESUS GETS SICK

Jesus was stuck at home, sick, one Saturday in heaven. His dad wouldn’t let him go out and play because he was very contagious and had already gotten four or five other kids in the neighborhood sick as well. So Jesus and his herpes stayed home and watched reruns of Gilligan’s Island.

Jesus started pondering the age-old question, the Skipper or Mary Anne? I mean Ginger or Mary Anne? Mary Anne had the girl next door thing, but Ginger was a slutty movie star. He decided to ask the expert… Alan Hale. He called Alan, but his mom said that he was outside riding bikes with his friends. So Jesus decided to hop on into TV land and find out for himself. He stood up, dropped his box of tissues, crouched down and jumped headfirst into his dad’s 80” flat screen TV.

He awoke later amidst paramedics and the shattered remains of the TV. Jesus stood up and shoved the paramedics away and did a magic dance and teleported himself to Gilligan’s Island.

Once there, he quickly distracted the others with promises of rescue helicopters. So while the others were desperately watching the skies, Jesus kidnapped the two hotties and took them back to his house. Needless to say, the two were so happy to be rescued, they were willing to do anything… anything!

After two days, Jesus still wasn’t sure, so he brought in an outside consultant… Bob Denver. Now Bob was a little too old and rickety to just jump on some hot pussy lickety split. So he just watched for the first 45 minutes. But then, when he did jump on, he rode it till it was sore. Jesus and the girls gave him a standing ovation, during which, he died.

So Jesus stabbed the girls to death so they could all meet up in heaven to find out who won. They caught up to Bob in line at the gate. He declared Mary Anne the winner. So they all went out to celebrate, except for Ginger, who didn’t feel very much like celebrating.