Jesus was visiting his birthplace in Bethlehem one day. There was this big ass crowd that kept following him around asking him for money and miracles and autographs. He tried to slip away so he could go about his mission in peace. He needed to find that gold the wise-ass gave him when he was born. On her deathbed, his mother told him that she and Joseph had hidden the gold in a secret panel in the barn.
Jesus needed that gold to start his new business venture: loan-sharking money to failed businesses that won't give up the dream. He only had one potential customer so far, but he figured, if he did a good job breaking legs and stuff then this guy would recommend Jesus to all his failed business owner buddies. Jesus found Peter, the owner of the failing store that sold Agent Cody Banks memorabilia (shirts, hats, posters, action figures, sex toys, coffee mugs, pens, coasters, you name it), at an AA meeting. Jesus went to pick up vulnerable women, but when he heard Peter's idea, he knew he a had a sure fire money maker (the loan sharking, not the Cody Banks store).
First, he'd need that gold. And before that even, he had to ditch the squares. He called everyone together to see a big miracle. Then he stood up in front of them, stripped off his clothes, demanded they all do the same, then turned himself invisible, leaving them all standing there naked, like idiots. Then he snuck off, all invisible like, to the manger.
When Jesus got there, he found that the manger had since been torn down and replaced with a kindergarten. He was filled with rage. He tore the kindergarten apart brick by brick and child by child looking for the gold, but is wasn't there. That dirty inn keeper had stolen it 2000 years ago. So Jesus was forced to borrow money from a loan shark to start his business.
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