Jesus was swimming in his neighbor's pool one night, unbeknownst to his neighbor, Cuba Gooding Jr. Cuba had a big dog, that really scared Jesus, named Rex. Rex and Cuba were both inside, cuddling up to a good movie. The were watching Casablanca. Cuba had just signed on to play the only black guy, Sam, in the remake. Rick was going to be played by Johnny Knoxville, and the chick was model, Kate Upton, in her acting debut.
Anyway, the pool had been upwind of Cuba's bedroom window until now. Rex caught the sent of a wet and slow Jesus and raced downstairs and out the doggy door. Jesus saw him and screamed and tried to escape by magically transporting himself elsewhere. But Rex jumped into Jesus' magic "doorway" and went with him to 1970s Burt Reynold's house.
Burt was in the middle of a swinging party. Lots of the guests were wet and hairy, so Jesus fit right in. But there was no place for an angry dog at one of Burt's parties. Burt sat naked on a pile of cushions, with a woman on each arm and a third between his legs, and also a butler in the corner of the room getting it on with some hot brunette '70s chick. It was a couple of minutes before Burt's butler could address the dog problem. But by then, Peter Graves had already subdued the dog and incorporated it into the orgy.
Jesus was elbow deep in Sally Field's anus, and had forgotten all about the dog, when 1970s Jesus showed up all Black Panthered out and pissed at nowadays Jesus for banging a white white girl when there are literally tens of thousands of available black women whose anuses need fisting. Anyway, they got to arguing and fighting, and one thing led to another, and now the universe is all destroyed and stuff.
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