TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA JESUS

Jesus had just finished watching the new Ninja Turtles movie, and decided to have his own sewer adventure.  He packed a few bags and ran as fast as he could into the street, bringing traffic to a screeching halt.  Then he opened up a manhole, and dove in headfirst.

He landed with a splash in a river of good ol’ American sewage.  Jesus breathed deep of the aroma.  He searched around until he found a suitable room to live in.  Now, all he had to do was wait for enemy ninjas to attack.

But he got bored six minutes later, and he was out the door and on to more exciting places.  Around his second corner, he came upon a boat floating in three-inch deep water.  A lone fisherman sat in the boat with his line already cast.  As Jesus approached, he realized the fisherman was acting great, Eric Estrada.

“What could you be fishing for in the sewer, you sick-ass freak?” Jesus inquired.

“You!” he shouted back as he pulled up his pole.  Jesus’ foot was caught, and he was lifted off the ground, upside down, you know.  At that moment, seven, provocatively dressed, male dancers danced out and sang back-up for while Eric Estrada sang a little number.

Jesus had but one hope, the power of prayer.  He put his hands together and prayed as hard as he could.  Suddenly, he heard the pitter-patter of bare, two toed feet.  His prayers had been answered, the Ninja Turtles were on their way.

Eric Estrada must have run into them before because he started yelling at his men to form a human shield around him.  They responded with a lightning precision that could only have come from former navy SEALS.

Then, the Ninja Turtles came form a completely different tunnel than Eric Estrada had expected, and totally took his men down in seconds, like everyone knew they would.  Then they cut Jesus down while Eric Estrada escaped... for now.