Wednesday, April 1, 2015

JESUS' ELEVEN

Jesus was living in post-apocalyptic Kentucky in 2016. He had been trying to farm, but a group of radioactive zombie teenagers kept trying to crack his head open and eat his brains and beard. Jesus had troubles enough, what with the vagina shortage, but this was too much. So Jesus packed up his shit and headed to post-apocalyptic Las Vegas.

As soon as Jesus arrived in post-apocalyptic Las Vegas, he began planning a post-apocalyptic casino heist. First, he'd need to recruit a team of top notch thieves. "Eleven sounds like a good number," He told his pet koala bear, Harry.

Jesus lassoed nine radioactive dudes and lowered them down the elevator shaft heading to the vault at the Plaza. The rope was about eighty feet too short, and the zombies all fell to a messy end, leaving Jesus and Harry a nice squishy landing pad.

"You first," Jesus said.

Harry gave him a look out the corner of his eye that said, "Are  you nuts?" Jesus "encouraged" Harry with a sharp kick which sent Harry into the shaft.

"Did you make it?" Jesus called down.

There was a grunt that sounded like a cross between a cat and a monkey, and had a snide tone to it.

"Good enough for me," Jesus laughed as he jumped down.

They made their way to the vault door. They stared at it for a minute before Harry kicked it down. There must have been one or two hundred million in there. "Gimme the bag," Jesus said.

Harry looked at him and shrugged.

"I told you to bring the bag!" Jesus yelled.

The two yelled and screamed at each other for several minutes. "Oh well," Jesus said, "at least we've got all this zombie meat to eat."

Harry agreed, so they sat down and started eating.

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