Jesus was bored and having a hard time coming up with any fun ideas. He took a look outside and saw, much to his astonishment, a parade. There wasn't a crowd of people watching, though, it was just a bunch of floats depicting Biblical scenes. "Why wasn't I invited to be in the Bible Parade?" he wondered, "I should be grand marshal."
He dug around in his closet and found his old Abraham costume. He hadn't worn it since the third grade, and it was a bit loose on him now that he'd lost all that baby fat. He looked at himself in the mirror for a few and had a good laugh. Then he ran outside.
In his enthusiasm, Jesus tripped over a sprinkler and fell into a pile of dog shit. "Damn it Colton!" Jesus yelled. His neighbor, Colton White, was always letting his dog poop in Jesus' yard. Jesus normally didn't mind, because it kept the homeless from sleeping on his lawn, but now, covered in poop on a Sunday, he minded. Also, of course, an Abraham costume covered in dog poop instantly becomes a Moses costume.
Oh, and the parade was getting pretty far away at this point. So, Jesus pulled an old lady out of her driver's side window and tried to hop in, but the car kept moving, and Jesus couldn't catch up to that either. By now he was feeling pretty shitty (get it, because of the dog shit on his face?).
About a mile ahead of him, Jesus saw the old lady's car crash into a marching band at the back of the parade. The paraders screamed in horror and terrible pain, and Jesus casually turned around and went to poop in Colton's yard.
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