Jesus was in Hawaii, drunk-surfing and trying to get all the dolphins to help him overthrow the captain of a nearby shrimp boat. The dolphins had a plan of their own, however. The dolphin leader, Julius, was fierce and adorable and planned to one day rule the world. There were just two things standing in his way, feet, or rather lack there of. So Julius agreed to help Jesus if Jesus would help him.
Jesus was skeptical at first, thinking that a world ran by dolphins would probably suck, but after picturing Julius with feet, doing a little dance, he agreed. The shrimp boat captain never knew what hit him (it was a dolphin). So Jesus became the best shrimper in the Pacific, and Julius, with his new feet, began his world conquest on one of Hawaii's smaller islands.
It would be months before the two would meet again. Then 5 AM one Saturday morning, they both reached for the last bear claw at 7-eleven. For a moment, time seemed to stop. Then all hell broke loose. Chunks of flipper and beard and so on were flying about wildly. Just as Julius thrust his bottlenose into Jesus' heart, he felt the sharp sting of Jesus' Kill-ray.
The two met up in Heaven, where Jesus is king. So Jesus banished Julius to Fish Heaven (a huge insult for any water mammal) and spent the rest of the day sitting on his throne glaring, and occasionally pointing at someone and shaking his head disapprovingly.
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