Wednesday, July 15, 2015

NURSERY RHYMES AND TORTURE

Jesus was grinding the bones of an Englishman to make his bread, when suddenly, in walked a butcher and a candlestick-maker demanding to take a bath. And then, Jesus woke up to find one of his arch enemies, Butch, burning him with a lit cigarette. Butch had Jesus tied to a table with a bunch of medieval torture devices surrounding them.

Butch put the cigarette into Jesus' eye, and Jesus laughed. Butch found this very disconcerting. Jesus then disappeared in a puff of cigarette smoke. Butch coughed, and Jesus' disembodied laughter filled the room. Butch ran out of the dungeon, and Jesus followed. Jesus summoned some baby demons and floated about all smokey and watched as Butch had to fight for his soul.

Around the time Butch ripped the head off the last baby demon, Jesus started to get angry. He flew to Butch's house to complain to Butch's mom about how mean he was being. But when he got there, Butch's mom told him that her son had died in a car crash twelve years ago. A shiver ran down Jesus' spine as he backed away slowly.

Suddenly, a cloud of cigarette smoke filled the room. Jesus' eyes twitched a little, and he readied his dehumidifier. Then a butcher and a candlestick-maker walked in and demanded to take a bath. Jesus and Smoke-Butch just looked at each other. "Are you dreaming?" Butch asked.

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