MASTER HUNTSMAN

Jesus was at a British pub getting all drunk with some Duke or something, Duke Wilburshire. So, Jesus kept saying he was a master huntsman, and the Duke kept saying that he was a master huntsman, but better, and challenged Jesus to a hunt.

Jesus ran out to buy a tweed jacket, knee high boots, an ascot and a pipe, but tweed had become so popular, that all the stores were out. That left Jesus with two options: one, buy a second hand coat, or two, magic. So Jesus did one of those things.

Now that he was dressed like a master huntsman, Jesus decided it was time to learn to hunt. He followed the Duke around during the warm up huntings and watched how he was tracking things and killing them. It looked simple enough, but could Jesus do it faster and or better than the Duke. Jesus realized, that he didn't even know how a huntsman competition was judged. Two weeks ago, at Barnes and Noble, he'd seen Master Huntsman Competitions for Dummies, and now he regretted not buying it.

The competition began, and Jesus magicked himself up a dog and started asking it questions. He learned a bit about hunting in packs, but not about hunting on his own. He and his dog, Bert, were sitting there thinking about how to out smart the Duke. After forty-five minutes of bad ideas, and five minutes of silence, Bert finally said, "I gotta poop." and wandered off.

Just then, the Duke came back with three dead foxes and four dead rabbits. "I win!" he declared when he saw Jesus empty handed. So Jesus picked up his gun and shot the Duke in the knee. he took the Duke's catch and his hat and went back to the pub to boast.

And Bert was never heard from again. Some say he's still in those woods pooping, and on foggy winter mornings, if you're quite, you can still smell it.