Jesus had just joined the police academy so that he
could do his part to keep the minorities in line. Plus he was hoping to meet Steve Guttenberg
and have zany miss-adventures with him.
When he got there on the first day, the instructor took one look at him
and said, “You’re gonna have to shave that beard son.”
“Great,” said Jesus,
“and next you’ll be telling me I have to get up early
and wear pants.” Jesus had a good
hard laugh, but soon realized this wasn’t going to be as fun as he’d
hoped. So he decided to make it fun. He’d trick his instructor into going to his
office late at night, then he’d sneak into the instructor’s house and trick the
instructor’s wife into having sex with him.
So he called the instructor and said that he was the dean of the academy
or whatever you call it, and told him that the president was going to be at his
office to meet with him between 11 PM and 3AM.
He said to dress sharp and bring a baseball glove. “Awesome!” yelled the instructor guy
excitedly. “Maybe he’s going to ask me
to join his softball team!”
The instructor ran out of the house at 10:30, and
Jesus snuck in through a window. But the
old woman inside was so ugly, that Jesus couldn’t bring himself to screw her
more than twice. Afterward, about a
quarter to 11, Jesus decided to have even more fun. He went down to the academy and cast a magic
spell to make him look and sound like the president.
Jesus ran in naked and asked the instructor if he’d
brought the glove. The instructor showed
it to him, and he took it, put his wiener in it and asked for a ride to Mexico.
Half way to Mexico, the instructor got curious and
asked why he was naked, and why they were going to Mexico. Jesus decided it was time to push this
asshole out of the car at high speed, so he did. The instructor hit the pavement hard, and
Jesus jumped into the driver’s seat and backed up over him again and again,
until he was nothing but a red smear on the highway.
Jesus then took the shape of the instructor, and
headed back. And that’s how Jesus became
the instructor at the police academy.
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