TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

Jesus was practicing his ninjutsu in the park one day, when some jerks came up and arrested him for vagrancy and indecent exposure (his Jesus-robe kept flying up when he did his high kicks and he wasn’t wearing any underwear.) 

During his trial, Jesus told the Judge that if he didn’t let him go, he would turn him into a pair of old lady panties, which he would then give to Paula Deen  “Well, she was hot at one point,” said the Judge. “No, she never was,” said everyone else.  So Jesus reached into his briefcase and got out all the things he would need for his panty ritual; some candles, a dead chicken, a bacon cheeseburger, etc… but the bailiff came and hit him with his nightstick before he could begin.

Just then, something amazing happened.  Something that changed the lives of everyone present forever; Jesus cried.  Nobody expected him to fall to his knees and cry like a homo.  He cried and drooled and crawled around.  The bailiff felt so bad that he gave his club to Jesus and told him he could hit him back.  But everyone knew that wasn’t fair.  Jesus hits like a woman, as illustrated in this graph:

So the Judge said that Jesus could hit the bailiff three times.  The bailiff said that two would probably do the trick, but the Judge hit his little hammer to show that his decision was final.

After the third hit, Jesus noticed a loose piece of skin on the bailiff’s neck.  He grabbed it and pulled, and the bailiff’s whole face came off, a mask!  It was Fred Savage all along.  The Judge ruled that Fred Savage was so ugly that the mask was to be put back and stapled on, and his face was never to be seen again.

Jesus saw his opportunity, and flew Superman-like through the roof to freedom, and spread the word of Fred Savage’s ugliness.