JESUS VS. MI6

“Jesus P. Christ: Attorney at Law.  What the fuck?” asked Jesus as he read the sign on the door.  “An imposter!”  Jesus crashed through the door like a mongoose on steroids and saw some fat dude in a wig and fake beard.  “You!” Jesus said as he recognized the imposter.  It was William Frawley, TV’s Fred Mertz.

Jesus had helped Old Bill out plenty of times, and now to see him try and pull some stupid shit like this really sent Jesus over the edge.  He started looking through Bill’s drawers and throwing things about wildly.  Then he found Bill’s License to Kill. 

“So all this time you’ve been a British agent?” Jesus said. 

“Yes,” Bill said, “and we know all about your plan to unleash your swarm of undiapered flying babies over London.  You won’t get away with it!”

“I already have,” Jesus laughed, “I already have!”

But Bill had one last trick up his sleeve- he threw some dirt in Jesus’ face, temporarily blinding him and seriously pissing him off.  Then he ran faster than a fat chick at a dick buffet and hid behind a curtain while Jesus searched furiously for him.

Jesus kicked over a table, but Bill wasn’t there.  He turned on the blender, but Bill wasn't  there either.  Then Jesus saw a big red ‘X’ on the floor and stood on top of it hoping it would somehow solve his problems.  But it was really Bill’s booby trap!

Jesus fell through the floor and onto a bed with two skanks on it. “Skanks, my one weakness!  Well, skanks and dirt in my eye.  And cocaine and puppy dogs and those little toothpicks with the colored plastic at the top that they put in sandwiches.”

So anyway, Jesus was forced to have dirty sex with the skanks… the dirtiest.  When he emerged three days later, his babies had all been euthanized, and Bill was waiting for him with a cage made out of those toothpicks.  Thus the world was safe from Jesus… for now.