Jesus was wandering the streets flipping cars over rooftops looking for his lost puppy. “Jesus Jr.!” he shouted as he peed on a rich old lady in a mink coat. It turned out she hadn’t seen his dog though, so he put up flyers advertising a reward, an “eternal” reward, which actually cost Jesus nothing.
So now that Jesus had all this extra cash from not paying any reward, and not owning a dog, he decided to go on a shopping spree. But that quickly escalated to a nipple-rubbing spree, which once again, cost nothing. So what to do with all this cash? He considered giving it to charity, which would be the Christian thing to do, but the thought made him vomit blood all over a rich old pimp in a mink coat.
That’s when it hit him: a little kid. Jesus punted this punk-ass kid across the schoolyard, then ran home and saw his puppy on TV. Jesus Jr. was anchoring the local news in a little sports-coat and tie.
The thing that really surprised Jesus was that Jr. was speaking perfect English, with a slight Canadian accent. “He never told me he was Canadian!” Jesus said furiously. Jesus now wanted revenge on Jesus Jr. for lying, and he knew just how to get it... anally.
He said a little chant and some demons appeared and wrecked the place, then Jesus got control of them. He sent them to the puppy’s dressing room and had them rape him for 100 years with a bucket. Then he had the demons make him a pie... a delicious one!
So, is that holy water on the mink coats, then? I mean, that's got to make them even more valuable... tk
ReplyDeleteUh sure... that reminds me, i've got some coats i'm trying to sell. call me.
ReplyDelete