JESUS AND THE SOAP-BOX RACER

Jesus was building a soap-box racer for the big father/son downhill race, but his dad was too busy “running the universe” to help him build his car. Of course, Jesus knew his dad was really just deathly ill. It started with a cough a few months ago, and of course some aches and pains. He had been anxiously awaiting the results of his blood tests and Jesus had been wandering in and throwing tools at him and dropping other subtle hints that they should be working on the downhill racer, or the Deadly Panda, as Jesus had named it. But God kept mumbling about wasting his whole life raising Jesus and never accomplishing anything worthwhile.  

He used to dream about owning a bookstore. He wanted to sell tacos out front and porno in the back. But then imaccidentally conceived Jesus with some random sleeping girl, and was forced to raise him on his own. Now it looked like he might die and he’d never get his chance. “You know what’s worthwhile Dad?” Jesus asked, “Downhill racing. Just think, if we win the race you wont be a complete and utter failure, and your life wont be meaningless, you wont wish you’d never been born, you can finally be proud of something, you…” 

Jesus was in the middle of cheering God up when God got the phone call. Jesus wandered off as his dad listened intently into the receiver. “Thank you,” God said as he hung up the phone. Jesus came back in with some more tools to throw at God. God looked him square in the eye and said, “Son, you’re never going to be able to do everything in life you've always wanted. It’s a cruel world out there and you've got to be able to watch your own sack. Now I've got to go find a team of Mexicans to build my taco/porn bookstore and get to work.” And with that, he put on his God-robe and headed out the door down Home Depot-way.