Jesus was reading the diary that belonged to the thirteen-year-old girl who was tied up in the trunk of his car. "That Becky sounds like a real bitch!" Jesus said loudly.
"Let me go," whimpered the girl in the trunk.
Just then, one of Jesus' sixty-three arch enemies, Superman, flew in to rescue the girl. "Up to your old tricks again I see, Lord Jesus," he said.
"They're called the classics for a reason, Kent, But I also have some new tricks up my butt." Jesus popped the trunk to reveal a midget with a light-saber (with a kryptonite power crystal). The midget tossed the light-saber to Jesus, who leaped twenty feet into the air to swipe at Superman, while the midget hurled fire-bolts from his mind.
Superman was taken completely by surprise, but neither Jesus nor the midget saw the cops pulling up behind them. Jesus had been parked in a ten minute parking zone for almost twelve minutes. Naturally, the cops took Superman's side. They opened fire and shot Jesus in the left leg, but missed the ducking midget by a few feet. Jesus' light-saber swipe went wild, and instead of cutting Superman in half, just cut off his left arm at the elbow. Jesus and Superman both fell to the ground writhing in pain. The midget, who was apparently too short to get shot by Metropolis P.D., just ran up and punched both cops in the sack.
Superman used his laser eyes thing to cauterize his wound. Jesus crawled quickly to Superman's arm, which he plunged up into the crotch area of his robes. "NOOOOO!!!" Superman cried in homophobic disgust. Superman then punched Jesus in the head so hard that Jesus died.
Jesus woke up in Heaven as Superman returned to his fortress of solitude. They both considered it a victory. Most of their battles ended that way.
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