CORONATION DAY

Jesus had plotted long and hard to ascend to the throne of England, and the day was finally here, today was Jesus' coronation day. There was only one thing that could ruin Jesus' good mood, the eighty foot monster that he accidentally freed from his underground prison last night. Jesus was getting dressed in his king outfit when he heard the monster sneaking around the city. Jesus looked through the window and had a good chuckle, there's nothing funnier than an eighty foot, acid-spitting parakeet tiptoeing around buildings, hoping no one notices it. But still, that monster had to die.

Jesus told his guards to start the ceremony without him, and he'd be there for the important part. Then, he grabbed his trusty bottle of monster poison and jumped up to the top of Big Ben to gain the high ground. Years ago, Jesus had learned how to do the perfect parakeet call from Alkawari, King of the Parakeets. He did his call now, and the monster was compelled to come closer. Jesus poured the poison over a handful of seeds and held out his hand towards the approaching beast.

The monster came up slowly, then pounced, eating all the poison seeds, and all of Jesus. Jesus could tell the poison was working quickly as he tumbled down the giant bird's esophagus or whatever. The monster tried to fly away, but died midair, and impaled itself on Big Ben.

Jesus chewed his way out of the bird's throat and climbed down. He had just enough time for a quick shower before receiving his crown. His first order of business was a stimulus package, free parakeet meat for everyone.