OBLIGATIONS

Jesus was an hour into a high speed chase with the California Highway Patrol. He was racing down the 5 freeway, heading to Mexico. He was sneaking  a prostitute out of the country for Tony "The Hacksaw" Fugazi, the most feared ethnic gangster in town. Jesus owed Tony big time because when Tony's ugly daughter needed a date to the prom, Jesus agreed to be her escort. But instead of taking her to the prom, Jesus sold her to  a rich Arab from Saudi Arabia. Anyway, if Jesus fucked up this mission, Tony would take a hacksaw to his beard, or something horrible like that.

Jesus didn't want anything bad to happen to his beard, and he was prepared. He waited for the first round of cops to organize behind, and pressed a button, releasing an army of razor-sharp, robot dildos from his trunk. The cops easily maneuvered their cars around the dildos, but that's what Jesus had expected. The dildos worked their way through the floor of the cop cars and into the cops' anuses. The cops died happy, and Jesus was able to put some distance between himself and round two.

Round two, having heard of their colleagues' demise, were terrified of Jesus. This allowed Jesus to get far enough ahead to set up a trap. He stopped and drew a giant circle on the freeway with a pentagram in the middle. He sprinkled some of his beer on it and said a little chant and opened up a portal to Detroit. Jesus stood on the far side of the portal and pretended like he was surrendering. The cops all drove up and fell into the portal.

So Jesus delivered Babette to Tony in Tijuana. "So, we're even now, right?" Jesus asked.

"No!" Tony yelled. "You sold my daughter to Arabs! She's probably getting raped by some sheikh right now!"

"Come on, a rich guy like that could do a lot better than you daughter. She's probably doing his laundry." Tony was mad, but he couldn't argue with Jesus' logic, so he thanked Jesus for the prostitute, and told him he hoped he'd never see him again. And he didn't.