JESUS BIG ADVENTURE

Jesus was walking down some street somewhere and looked into a bike shop and saw the coolest bike he'd ever seen. It was like his greatest dream. It was hot pink with a basket and the words "Hot Tramp" written on the frame in black letters with neon green trim. Jesus had to have the bike for the big bike race coming up... the Tour De France.

Jesus asked his dad to buy him the bike, but his dad refused because Jesus had turned all his dad's money into gay porn while his dad was out with an exceptionally hot chick. Jesus had only one alternative: get a job... at the bike store, then steal the bike while the manager was in the bathroom.

Getting the job was no problem with Jesus' excellent resume, but after two weeks, the manager had yet to take a shit. So Jesus decided to scare the shit out of him. He broke into the bike shop late at night and set up an elaborate system of levers and pulleys all rigged together to lower a mannequin dressed as a ghost and swing it around the manager's head.

Jesus spent hours building his scare rig. He worked until the sun came up. As the first rays of the sun came up over the horizon and danced off the shiny pink bike of Jesus' dreams, Jesus realized that he could just steal it now. So he finished his scare rig, set the dial to "terrify" and rode off on his new bike.